For parents of 3–6 year olds · live Tue 8 Dec
Why “calm down” doesn't work. And what does.
You've been telling yourself it's a phase. It's December, and the phase is getting louder.
Former principal Rod Soper on what's actually happening in your child's body mid-meltdown, the four kinds of regulation and which one yours is up to, and one game for each you can play before Christmas. Tuesday 8 December, 7:30pm AEDT. A$7.99, replay included.
Get me through December for A$7.99Sound familiar?
It's the supermarket floor again
Everyone's looking. You've tried the calm voice, the firm voice, the bribe. Later, at 10pm, the questions go round in a loop:
“Why does ‘calm down’ make it worse?”
“Is this normal, or is it me?”
“How do we survive Christmas lunch?”
“Should I be firmer? Softer?”
Here's the thing nobody says in the supermarket:
a tantrum isn't a discipline problem. It's a regulation stage, and your child is exactly where a four-year-old should be.
Mid-meltdown they're outside what Rod calls their window of tolerance, and no amount of reasoning, firmness or bribery gets them back in. Something else does. It takes about ninety seconds once you know it, and it's the same thing every time. That's what this hour is for.
In one hour
By 8:30 on Tuesday you'll know
01
What's actually happening in their body
The window of tolerance, and why a four-year-old mid-meltdown genuinely can't “just stop”.
02
Which of the four kinds of regulation your child is up to
External, co-, self and collective. Most tantrum advice assumes a stage your child hasn't reached yet.
03
The ninety seconds that work
Name it, lend them your calm, then (and only then) the problem. In that order, every time.
04
Why regulation has to come before self-control
And where boundaries fit: clear, consistent, warm. This isn't “let them do anything”.
05
The silly-season plan
Sugar, late nights, relatives, presents. Big happy feelings dysregulate too, which is why Christmas morning ends in tears.
06
One game for each regulation skill
Blow out the candle, the superpower meeting, and four more. Nothing to buy, started before Christmas.
The four kinds of regulation
Self-regulation is the third step, not the first
Children learn to manage big feelings in a sequence. Most of the advice you've read (“teach them to take a breath”) starts at step three. If your child is at step one or two, it can't work yet. Rod shows you which step your child is on and what to do there.
It's like learning to ride a bike: nobody expects balance before they've held the seat.
1
External
They watch how you do it.
2
Co-regulation
You do it together. This is where most 3 to 5 year olds live.
3
Self-regulation
“I need a drink of water.” The milestone.
4
Collective
The whole family resets together. Your Christmas-lunch superpower.
Who it's for
Parents of 3 to 6 year olds
The ones whose child melts down at the shops, at bedtime, at drop-off, or the second a sibling touches their stuff. The ones who've read that it's normal and still feel like they're getting it wrong. Grandparents and carers very welcome, especially the ones hosting Christmas.
It's not for you if you want a reward chart or a consequence ladder. It is for you if you want to understand what's going on, know what to do in the first ninety seconds, and get through December without dreading the next one.
Your presenter
Meet Rod
Rod trains the people who teach preschoolers. He's spent thirty-five years watching children learn to manage big feelings, and he knows the difference between a child who's being difficult and a child who's dysregulated. (It's almost always the second.)
He's been a teacher, head of primary years and assistant principal, co-founded a play-based preschool, and now trains early childhood educators across Australia. Now he's telling parents what he tells them.
Co-founder
And Mel
Mel Browne is an ex-accountant, ex-financial advisor and now financial educator who has helped tens of thousands of families with their money. She and Rod built The Happy Preschooler so that great early years advice is affordable for every family.
The details
Self-regulation and tantrums
- Tuesday 8 December, 7:30pm AEDT (60 minutes)
- Live on Zoom, with your chat questions answered
- Replay included, so watch any time
- December's printable games, one per regulation skill
- Add the live Q&A (Tue 15 Dec) at checkout for A$7.99
A$7.99 AUD
Less than a coffee and a babycino. Cheaper than the toy you'd have bought to end it.
Yes, I'm in for A$7.99Still deciding?
Questions
My 3-year-old has a meltdown every day. Is that normal?
Is this 'gentle parenting' with no boundaries?
I can't make it live. Can I still join?
My child is neurodiverse, or has a delay. Will this fit?
I'm not in Australia. Will it apply to me?
What time is it where I am?
Tuesday 8 December · 7:30pm AEDT
Do it before Christmas lunch, not after
The replay will still be there in January. The silly season won't. One hour, A$7.99, and the next meltdown has a plan.
Replay included · December games · A$7.99 AUD
© The Happy Preschooler. General information only. If you're worried about your child's development or behaviour, talk to your GP, paediatrician or child health nurse.
